Cart

Yasmin Rahman on Mental Health

This week is Mental Health Awareness week. In Yasmin Rahman’s incredible novel ‘All The Things We Never Said,’ three young girls- Mehreen, Cara and Olivia- struggle with mental health issues. Mehreen refers to her depression as her Chaos, the dark thoughts that slip in when she’s feeling her most vulnerable. Through the power of friendship, the three girls make strides to overcoming their mental health issues.

In the book, Olivia’s section is written in verse. Yasmin has written about her experiences with her own Chaos below.

 

Me and my Chaos: A Journey

 

Me aged 14

 

I don’t remember exactly when the

Chaos

first started,

but I do remember

not understanding

any of it.

 

I remember

Googling

Why do I feel sad all the time for no reason?

and finally learning the word

 

D E P R E S S I O N

 

I remember

stealing a craft knife from art class

and finding the relief I craved

(straight after, came the

shame

regret

pain)

 

I remember

walking past the counsellor’s office at school,

wanting

to go in,

but feeling stupid.

 

There’s nothing wrong.

It’ll pass.

She’ll tell me it’s just hormones.

There’s no point.

 

Me aged 16

 

I’d always been

  • Cautious
  • Paranoid
  • An overthinker.

 

There’d always been a

buzzing

in my head.

Thoughts crashing into one another,

overlapping one another.

Never a quiet moment.

 

I remember a conversation with a friend,

asking whether she had the same.

‘No. All I really think about is what I’m having for dinner tonight.’

 

I thought

ANXIETY

was just a thing everyone had,

that it just meant being

  • Cautious
  • Paranoid
  • An overthinker.

 

I didn’t realise the Chaos wasn’t normal,

that it was an illness.

 

Me aged 19

 

I studied a module on Children’s Literature

during my undergraduate degree.

In my seminar, people talked

animatedly

about their favourite childhood books.

 

I stayed silent,

having not read much as a child.

 

We were assigned books for class,

and I wish

I wish I could remember which book it was

that lit the spark

that made me seek out more

and more

and more

books for Young Adults.

 

I wish I could remember which book I first read

after Googling

YA books about mental health,

because I owe

SO MUCH

to that book.

 

Me aged 21

 

I read

and read

and read

more of these books,

feeling completely

overwhelmed

that

SOMEONE GOT IT.

Someone managed to put into words

how I felt.

 

(Well, almost –

Where were all the Muslims?)

 

Me aged 23

 

I don’t know how the conversation came about,

but I opened up

for the very first time

about everything in my head,

about what I now realised was a

 

mental illness

 

to my best friend of ten years.

Turns out, she suffered too.

 

I had thought she was the most put-together person ever.

I never knew.

I never thought to ask.

 

We made a deal,

to always come to each other,

to always talk it out,

to be each other’s person.

 

Me aged 25

 

I took a CBT course with the NHS.

(God bless the NHS.)

I learned how to

question

my anxious thoughts,

how to

challenge

them.

I learned about mindfulness

and other coping techniques.

 

I found a counsellor,

spoke to her for an hour a week,

used up all her tissues.

 

I stared out of her window a lot

because eye contact was too much.

 

But I told her

all the things

that came into my head,

regardless of whether they made sense or not.

 

I talked a lot to my friends about it too.

 

I had a bad day today.

Can I tell you about it?

 

None of this was a cure,

but it helped.

 

It still helps.

 

It quietens the Chaos,

even if just for a little while.

 

 

Me aged 26

 

I wrote a book.

A book about a girl like me,

who had her own Chaos,

who didn’t know how to cope,

who felt completely desperate.

 

I wrote about these two other girls

who came into her life,

and changed it forever.

 

Just like this book changed mine.

 

I wrote about the need to be more

O P E N

about mental health,

to stop making it taboo.

 

I wrote about how even just reaching out and asking

How are you doing?

can make a big change.

 

I wrote a book,

hoping that someone out there

could find the solace I once found

in books like this.

 

I wrote a book

to let people dealing with a mental illness know

they’re not alone,

there’s help out there

that this does not define them.

That they can get through this.

 

Maybe not through,

I don’t know that there’s ever a ‘through’.

But I’ll settle for coping.

That’ll do for now.

 

 

All the Things We Never Said publishes 11th July. 

 

 

If you’re struggling with your mental health, don’t be afraid to reach out for help. Below are some resources. 

Samaritans

Confidential emotional support for anyone in emotional dis-tress, struggling to cope or at risk of suicide. Lines open 24/7.

Call free on 116 123 or visit www.samaritans.org

Childline

A private and confidential service for young people up to age 19. Counsellors available to talk about anything.

Call free on 0800 1111 or talk online at www.childline.org.uk

YoungMinds

Mental-health support for young people, including a free 24/7 crisis text-messaging service.

For urgent help, text ‘YM’ to 85258 or visit www.youngminds.org.uk

NSPCC

The UK’s leading charity helping children who have experienced abuse, including sexual abuse.

www.nspcc.org.uk

The Survivors Trust

Offering support, advice and information to those affected by sexual abuse.

Free confidential helpline: 0808 801 0818 or visit www.thesurvivorstrust.org

Harmless

Resources and advice for those who self harm.

www.harmless.org.uk

Hope Again

Offers help to young bereaved people.

Call free on 0870 808 1677 or visit www.hopeagain.org.uk